i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
