in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
