dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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