Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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