Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
