Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
