I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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