U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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