my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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