I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize