I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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