You're so nebulous sometimes
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize