My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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