i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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