She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
