I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
