Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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