watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
