you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
