I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
