Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
