I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
