As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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