i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have fence marks all over my body
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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