I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
