First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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