i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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