It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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