So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
