no, he came in my armpit
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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