i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
