I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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