one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My feet surprised me
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