We need to rekindle our bromance
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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