I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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