i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
