I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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