i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
