3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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