he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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