it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize