then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
