is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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