so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
