Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
