If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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