I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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