it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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