I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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