just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
did you just send me my own nude
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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