I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
