I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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