I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
