are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
