the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sober January is a disaster.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize