so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
