ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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