I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
