At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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