my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize