i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
