Your dad touched me again.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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