Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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