Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
