going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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