i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
