Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
