Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
