if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
