I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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