i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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