the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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