i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
