Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
