This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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