she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
