what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
